thanks lot Leo for your generous comment... and explaining me so wonderfully... :) i was using wrong source to calculate my count of syllables. thanks a ton :)
The syllables may be off target but the thought behind the poem is a true one. Whenever I write haiku I write the thought first, then try to find the right words to fit the count. I keep the thesaurus open at all times! For example, a rough translation could be
Frantic heart urges to free for ever, helpless words betray---lock in.
I can see the thought behind the haiku you wrote. It happens to me all the time - my words are just too much or too little! Anyway, with practice you should be able to adhere to the 5-7-5 syllable count. If it can help you in counting the syllable, you can check the counts on this website http://www.russellmcveigh.info/content/html/syllablecounter.php
I was using a wrong source to calculate.. Now I shall use the one you have shared... :) And yes i feel the same most of the times.. too much or too less. hope to get over this... :)
The thought is phenomenal and absolutely true... I can relate to it... I must tell you that the poets at HH are so lovely that they will take you along in this joyful ride called Haiku... so keep on writing... I see a great Haiku poet in you Jaskiran... Strive and create....
I think the after-effect of a break-up or separation is exactly like that. That helplessness...
ReplyDeleteJas, this is off on syllables :) its taken on a 6-8-7 format, and 4 syllables more.. Please correct asap!
Syllabically split, it looks like..
DeleteDes-pe-rate heart ur-ges (6)
To let go for-ev-er, help-less (8)
Words be-tray, words locked in-side (7)
Syllables are like how you pronounce it.. so split it that way and you'll get to know if you're on target or slightly off.
Cheers!
thanks lot Leo for your generous comment... and explaining me so wonderfully... :) i was using wrong source to calculate my count of syllables. thanks a ton :)
DeleteThe syllables may be off target but the thought behind the poem is a true one. Whenever I write haiku I write the thought first, then try to find the right words to fit the count. I keep the thesaurus open at all times!
ReplyDeleteFor example, a rough translation could be
Frantic heart urges
to free for ever, helpless
words betray---lock in.
its a great way to write a haiku... thanks for sharing your secret... and giving time to create another haiku for my thought... :)
DeleteI can see the thought behind the haiku you wrote. It happens to me all the time - my words are just too much or too little! Anyway, with practice you should be able to adhere to the 5-7-5 syllable count. If it can help you in counting the syllable, you can check the counts on this website http://www.russellmcveigh.info/content/html/syllablecounter.php
ReplyDeleteI was using a wrong source to calculate.. Now I shall use the one you have shared... :) And yes i feel the same most of the times.. too much or too less. hope to get over this... :)
DeleteThe thought is phenomenal and absolutely true... I can relate to it...
ReplyDeleteI must tell you that the poets at HH are so lovely that they will take you along in this joyful ride called Haiku... so keep on writing... I see a great Haiku poet in you Jaskiran... Strive and create....
Thanks tarun.. and i realized that.. I am overwhelmed... :)
DeleteRegardless of syllables, brilliant poetry!! As Leo and others have suggested, craft it accordingly,.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jaideep, indeed they helped me a lot... :)
DeleteSyllables apart... u ve hit the bulls eye with that thought... locked words are silent killers!
ReplyDeleteWhen waves transport to the new shore
Thank you Pranita... :)
DeleteBeautiful expression...and beautiful poem
ReplyDeleteThanks Valli :)_
DeleteWith the minor mistake sidelined its really very striking :0 loved it anyhow :):)
ReplyDeleteThanks a ton Maharukh
Deletemessage I got: let it out, communicate, open that which is locked away....I enjoyed figuring this out...nice work
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Joanne :)
DeleteLovely message ~ right number of sylables will come ~ lovely haiku ~ thanks, ^_^
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
Deletei liked it .. Beautiful thought ...
ReplyDeleteLove ~ in shape of lock
This is a message many who've been hurt can relate ... however for this meme ... do try though to take it to the 5-7-5 form. :)
ReplyDeleteFlaming Locks
Nice one! :)
ReplyDelete